Stop Trying to Get with the Girl Who Just Broke Up: An Open Letter

To all the guys out there trying to get with the girl who just broke up with her boyfriend: stop it. Here’s why.


1. She’s not really single yet.

According to her relationship status, she’s single now, but in real life that’s not entirely true.  A girl’s heart is very fragile after a breakup—and often still preoccupied with the man in her recent past. In other words, she’s free, but not free. It’s egregiously disrespectful of her feelings for you to push your way into her life while she’s still thinking about someone else. And, it’s not beneficial to you either because her heart’s not going to be in her new relationship.


2. You’re making things worse.

As previously mentioned, the girl’s heart is broken right now. And unless you’re already a close friend, you’re not going to be of much comfort to her. If she’s attracted to you, she might be flattered, but she’s likely nowhere near ready to reciprocate. If she’s not attracted to you—well—at best she’ll be annoyed and at worst she’ll be wounded even further by your advances. You might be surprised to know that it can wear on a girl’s self-esteem to be hit on by men she doesn’t like. She might feel like those are the only men who are ever going to be interested in her. She might feel like she’ll never find the right man, especially since the last one didn’t work out. At the moment, you’re a reminder of everything that went wrong. Please go away.


3. You’re probably not the only one.

She doesn’t need one more ravenous shark swirling around her in the sea of her own despair. That beastly kind of man who thinks he’s found his “in” because the girl is wounded. The kind of man who can smell tears miles away like a shark can smell blood. But you’re not the only one at the frenzy.

Now, “Wait a minute!” you say. “I’m not really like that. We’d be great together.” That might be the case. But if you pounced as soon as she was free, that makes you no better than the other guys who ARE like that. If you love her, you’ll show that by being there for her as a friend first, and not just another guy trying to eat her alive.  

If you can’t be a friend to her then please at least have enough respect to wait. She’s not exactly at her strongest. Don’t take advantage of that. How long should you wait? For every girl that’s going to be different. Some are over it after a few days. Others take weeks, months, years. It’s a delicate task to try to gauge it. But for heaven’s sake, don’t make a pass the day after it happens.



“The term ‘Bohemian’ has come to be very commonly accepted in our day as the description of a certain kind of literary gipsey, no matter in what language he speaks or what city he inhabits . . . A Bohemian is simply an artist or littérateur who, consciously or unconsciously, secedes from conventionality in life and in art.” [“Westminster Review,” 1862]

The quote above is referenced by the Online Etymological Dictionary in an entry on the word “bohemian.”

One of Fashion’s current whims is to imitate  bohemians in dress, taste, and general lifestyle. A horrifyingly large population of starving artists, writers and musicians has spontaneously generated itself in recent years, and a body can hardly go into public without coming across someone trying to be unconventional.

Creativity and eccentricities have inexplicably become fashionable, much to the dismay of authentically creative eccentrics. It would seem that in this era, the true test of a person’s creativity is the amount of time it takes for something to go out of fashion.

My prediction is that the true bohemians will be exposed when and only when it is unpopular to be counted as one of them.